by Boutros Boutros Ghali

Hello everyone. I'm back. This column is called Reckless Recap because I tend to take liberties with the names of opposing teams and I have no problem using bad words or illustrating how the games are played that would not be allowed in more commercial spaces. 

Today's Reckless Recap is all of these things, but mostly, just recklessly late. I had a very long weekend and was way behind on stuff yesterday, which kept me from being able to jump on the computer to write the recap of the NLDS victory on Monday night. 

I apologize for that. Sometimes we have to make decisions about what gets done (usually RR wins) and when one of those decisions is not a family member or is not a paid job, it gets bumped to the next day. So, welcome back to Son Ranto and this Recklessly Late Recap.

I was sitting in the Midway Airport Harry Caray's Restaurant on Monday night as the Cubs and Cardinals took the field in what would end up being the biggest win in the history of the stadium.

The TBS broadcasters clearly had no clue that Maddon only plans for Hammel, Hendricks, or even Haren to see the lineup two times at most. Hendricks saw exactly 18 batters and he probably would have been pulled before the fifth if he had not had a 5 run lead. 

Every Cubs fan knows that Jason Hammel was never going deep in this game and I doubt it was any surprise to Hammel that Maddon gave him the hook after three. I'm sure the Cubs had all hoped he might go four, but Maddon has been preparing his team for this kind of start for the last month with multiple games pitched entirely by the bullpen. 

Anyway, Hammel started this game by giving up two runs after only four pitches. Matt Carpenter lead off the game with a single and then Spaghetti Steve homered in the first pitch of his at bat to stake the Cards to an early 2-0 lead. 

In Harry Caray's, I had to get on the case of an idiot Cubes Fan who immediately lost his shit when the homer happened. To listen to this guy talk, you would have thought Hammel was throwing 90mph fastballs at homeless children. 

I immediately told him to sit down and up because the Cubs were going to win. That won me the friendship of Kathy, a 60ish year old bartender and life long Cubs fan. The guy did not open his mouth again until the Cubs retook the lead and all of a sudden he was all rainbows and unicorns. Goat Damn I hate Cubes Fans. 

Anyway, Hammel got out of the inning with no more issues except for a walk of Heyward, which I am all in favor of every time he comes to the plate. It was time for the Cubs to face off against Lackey who was going on short rest. 

John Lackey had benefited from working the Cubs up and outside on Friday night because that is where umpire Cuzzi's strike zone was that night. Lackey was not going to get those calls in this game and in the first inning he threw 5 balls and only got one strike call. The rest of his thirteen pitches were either swinging strikes, foul balls, or Fowler's pop fly out that started the inning. 

Regardless, the Cardinals did escape the first with the two run lead still intact. Hammel only gave up one hit in the second and that was to John Lackey because the designated hitter rule is a stupid thing to have and should be outlawed. Hammel would accentuate that point in his opportunity at the plate. 

Rizzo singled, but was called out at second base on a Castro fielder's choice. The Newest Youngster, Schwarber, hit a single to move The Original Youngster, Castro, over to second base. Montero struck out to bring Hammel to the plate in the 8th spot. 

I will continue to scream into the wind on this subject; the designated hitter rule is stupid. Lackey already had a hit in this game and in the second inning, Hammel popped one up the middle for an RBI single to score the Cubs first run of the game. 

Not only can pitchers hit sometimes, but it's also great to see a guy like Lackey lose his cool because he gave up a hit to a pitcher. Yet another part of the NL game that gets swept under the rug because people erroneously think that having a bench guy hit is better for the game. 

Lackey lost his shit and that was the wrong thing to do with a dangerous Javy Baez coming up to bat in the 9th spot. Lacky put a 94 mph fastball on the outside of the plate, but up where Baez could get his hands extended and put the end of the bat on the ball.

It was the greatest hit ever for Baez and I'm including anything that Joan ever sang too. The ball shot out into the right field bleachers to bring in three runs and gave the Cubs the lead. 

At Harry Caray's in Midway, Kathy, the 60ish bartender, gave me a high ten and shook me so violently in her joy that she knocked me off my barstool. The Cubes Fan was high fiving people as if he had not written the Cubs off earlier in the game and all was right with the world. 

Fowler struck out swinging to bring the inning to an end, but the Cubs were up by two and the Cardinals would never lead again. Cubs 4-Cards 2.

The Cubs defense rang up the first two batters in the third inning with outs on fly balls. Hammel walked Heyward because it is better to keep the ball away from him than challenge him, especially in a game of this magnitude.

Chris Bosio went out for a quick discussion with Hammel and everyone assumed he was saying "Get your shit together, Dumbass," but actually he was setting up the pickoff play from Montero behind the plate down to Rizzo. 

We have seen these types of pickoff plays before, but we tend to think of it being a David Ross play. This time, Hammel threw high (which Illiterate Jhonny swung at) and Montero rocketed the ball down to Rizzo to nab Heyward diving back to first base. That was the third out and the Cardinals headed for the field. 

Jorge Soler saw his record of consecutive trips on base to start a postseason end in the first inning. He got back on track in his second at bat with a walk to lead things off. Unfortunately, Bryant hit into a double play, followed by a Rizzo strikeout, to end the threat in the third. 

Hammel walked Illiterate Jhonny on four straight pitches in the fourth and Captain Hook yanked the starting pitcher. Grimmlock entered to take care of business. 

Kris Bryant made it a little tougher on Grimmlock than anyone would have liked when he flubbed the catch on a grounder by Upchuck that put two runners on base. But Grimmlock is back to being the badass we saw prior to September and he got Wrong, Cruz, and Pham all out swinging to end the inning.

Achilles Wainwright replaced Lackey in the fourth inning and sat the Cubs down in three batters. Travis Wood took over for Grimm in the fifth and both pitchers took down the opposing batters in 1-2-3 fashion. 

The game had settled down a bit from the first two innings, but in the sixth inning, the fireworks started and this game became the classic for which it will always be remembered. The sixth started with a Heyward single off of Wood, which prompted TJ Hooker to bring the reliever in for booking. 

Trevor Cahill has been a gift from goat this season and confidence was high with him replacing Wood. He gave up a single to Illiterate Jhonny right away to put the tying runs on base. 

It looked like Cahill might get away with it as he struck out Upchuck and Wrong, but Cruz ripped an RBI double up the right field line to cut the lead in half. Peralta and Cruz were on second and third when Brandon Moss singled in the next at bat. 

Normally, a single with runners on second and third would mean two runners had scored. On this night though, Jorge Soler reminded everyone he has a cannon for a right arm.

It's been awhile since Soler has had need to show it off, but with Peralta already across the plate, Soler fired the ball home to get Cruz trying to take the lead. It was a 92 mph one hopper to Montero who was able to spin and nail Cruz with his foot over the plate. 

This was, in my mind, the most important play of the entire game. Soler kept the Cardinals from taking the lead and ended the inning with the third out. This allowed Rizzo to retake the lead for the Cubs who never looked back. 

Kevin Seagrams came in and the Cubs popped a wine cooler to toast his arrival. Soler and Bryant both made good contact off of the new pitcher, but both ended up in outs. With two outs in the sixth, Rizzo made some good contact too. 

Seagrams sent three straight curveballs to Rizzo in the at bat. The first was a swinging strike, but Rizzo was able to adjust and take a piece of the second one. That should have been Seagrams cue to call it a night on the curves, but he sent one more up there and Rizzo made him pay for it with a solo shot into the right field bleachers. (For Clarity: the Cubs play by play lists the pitches as curves although the announcer on the video calls them sliders)

Fernando Rodney, the tilted hat Leprechaun, entered the game in the seventh inning with a 5-4 lead for the Cubs. He got Carpenter to strikeout swinging, but then he walked Spaghetti Steve prompting a conversation with Bosio. 

Bosio said, "Get your shit together, Dumbass!" and Rodney got your least favorite Holliday to line out with a change-up. Dr. Hook took a walk out to the mound and told Rodney to call it a night. As Rodney left the field he stopped and gave the Wrigley Field Faithful a bow and arrow salute that had fans cheering and laughing, while rendering the announcers dumb. 

Clayton Richard brought his first two names out to the mound and took down Heyward swinging to end the inning. The Cubs held the lead and the fans sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" with Harry Caray on the big board. 

Cubs fans yell, "Let's get some runs!" after finishing the song and apparently, Kyle Schwarber had told Fowler that he was going to hit a homer off of Seagrams in his next at bat. Both of those things came together for one of the most amazing home runs in Cubs history. 

Little Hulk, The Schwarbeast, The SchWARbhammer, The Schwarbinator, Little Babe Ruth called his shot in Wrigley Field. Seagrams went after Schwarber with a 93 mph fastball on a 1-1 count and Kyle Schwarber launched a ball to the top of the new monitor in right field. The ball came to rest underneath the Budweiser sign and has since been verified and encased in a box to commemorate the shot. Cubs 6-Cardinals 4. 

Pedro Strop entered in the 8th inning with his hat to the left in a perfect inning angle. In game one, Strop got nailed by the Cardinals, but Joe Knows Strop and he knew that the pitcher could handle the pressure. Strop went two scoreless innings over the last two games to help win the series. 

Trevor Rosenthal entered in the 8th inning to try and hold the Cubs at 6 runs. It looked like that was not going to happen when Bryant hit a triple to lead off. Rizzo struck out and Castro was walked intentionally to get to Austin Jackson. 

Castro went to second base on "catcher's indifference" and then Jackson laid down a bunt to the right side of the infield. Bryant broke for home on the squeeze, but Rosenthal was able to handle it and flip it into Cruz to get Bryant as he slid in to home. 

The Cubs did load the bases with a Montero walk, but The Norf Sider grounded out to end the inning. It was time for Rondon with a 6-4 lead over the hated Cardinals for all the marbles. 

Rondon entered and immediately got two outs: Cruz grounded out and Reynolds struck out. Then Matt Carpenter, probably the toughest out on the Cardinals, hit a single to keep the game going. Bosio went to the mound and told Rondon not to worry about Carpenter and "Strike this spaghetti eating mother out!" 

Rondon threw three straight sliders to Spaghetti Steve with the third one hitting the dirt. Montero blocked it and jumped up to tag the batter as he took off for first base. For the first time in the 101 years of Wrigley Field, the Cubs won a playoff series on home soil. 

That's the Recklessly Late Recap. Go Cubs! (I promise not to be so late next time.)