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Reckless Recap: 10/9/15 Cubs 0/Cardinals 4 "Johnny Paycheck Robbed"

by Boutros Boutros Ghali

In the annals of history, it will always show that Jon Lester got the loss in Game 1 of the NLDS in 2015, but if anyone should be blamed for this aborted goat fuck, it's the Handsome Youngsters for not showing up against John Lackey. 

Johnny Paycheck did everything he could do to win this game. He went 7.1 innings and only gave up five hits. Unfortunately, those five hits produced two runs that the handsome youngsters never really came close to erasing. 

To make matters worse, Phil Cuzzi (the only reason you ever notice an umpire is if they suck) had no clue what the strike zone should be. According to the graphic from BrooksBaseball, the Cardinals had 12 strikes well out of the zone called and the Cubs got three of those favorable calls. 

Technically, Lester had one more run on his ledger, but that really had more to do with Pedro Strop embarrassing his dead relatives than it did with Johnny Paycheck. 

Lester gave up a run in the first inning after Spaghetti Steve hit a ground rule double off to into the stands in right field. Helliday was able to drive Spaghetti to the plate with a single and that was it for the Cardinals until the 8th inning. 

Tommy Pham entered as the pinch hitter for Kevin Seagrams and the phucking guy hit a solo shot to make the game 2-0 in favor of the Cardinals. Lester walked Matt Carpenter and Joe was forced to bring the hook. 

Pedro Strop entered and threw the ball into the dirt and past David Ross behind the plate. Matt Carpenter was able to advance to second base. Not that it mattered because Spaghetti Steve hit a home run, which would have brought him in from anywhere. Cubs 0-Cardinals 4. 

The handsome youngsters were ugly except for Schwarber. The Little Hulk was the first Cub to reach the base paths when he walked in the fourth inning. He also singled on a bunt against a shift and singled to left field in the ninth inning.

There were only three hits by the Cubs in this game and Schwarber had two of them. He also had one of the two walks. Addison Russell singled in the sixth and Soler walked in the ninth to make up all of the Cubs offense for the night. 

John Lackey was able to strike out only five Cubs even though he had the advantage of 12 favorable calls. Lester struck out 9 even though he only got three of the bullshit strikes called in his favor.

That just means the handsome youngsters should have been able to do something, but they didn't and Lester gets the L despite the good game. 

Cubs are back at it tomorrow night and hopefully the handsome youngsters have some more offense against Jaime Garcia. Kyle Hendricks is scheduled to start for the Cubs. 

That's the shitty reckless recap for game one. Lester has gotten no support all year, so this is no real surprise. Let's just hope the Cubs can pull it together behind the Professor and take a tied series into Wrigley Field on Monday night. 

 

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