by Boutros Boutros Ghali

Cubs rookies got a chance to meet one of their heroes in Milwaukee on Friday night. Ariel, "The Little Mermaid", Pena was on the mound for the Brewers.

The handsome youngsters were so excited that they all dressed up like Disney Princesses for the flight to Wisconsin, the fattiest place on Earth. Addison Russell was the most excited with his red Ariel wig and webbed toes. 

The first six batters fell under Ariel's spell and did not reach base. In the third inning though, Addison Russell got things going with a double.

When asked about being the first to hit the mermaid, Russell did not say, "I am Ariel. I am a princess and princesses get hits." Nobody understood what he meant by that exactly, but the guy did get a hit, so we'll just leave him alone. 

With that hit, the spell was broken and the Cubs were able to run around the bases as much as they wanted for the rest of the night.  LaStella hit a double to bring Russell home and the Cubs took the early lead 1-0. 

In the fourth inning, Ariel made the mistake of looking directly at Rizzo's sparkly smile and he was under Rizzo's magic spell. Anthony Rizzo hit his 31st home run of the year in the fourth inning as Ariel stood on the mound dreaming of running her hand through his hair. Cubs lead 2-0. 

Blackbeard Arrieta, who has a few really crazy stories about drunken mermaids, knew that mermaids were fun, but you don't bring them home. And he did not allow Ariel or any of her friends to score over six innings. 

As the Cubs kept tossing Ariel's garbage back out into the field, the lead kept growing and the Brewers kept getting more drunk. In the fifth inning, Kris Bryant popped the ball up for an easy out, but Carlos Santana bumped into Logan Schafer and made him drop the ball. It was easy to read Schafer's lips as he called his teammate a chocolate starfish. 

With the game going the wrong way, Counsell threw the hook at Ariel and reeled him in to the dugout. As Ariel left the field, she was looking towards the Cubs dugout and dreaming she could be a part of their world instead of the dirty fishtank filled with beer that is Milwaukee.

Goforth replaced Pena and with the bases full of princesses, Rizzo came out swinging his wood. Plunk slipped a ball up the middle of the infield and into center for a two run base hit. Cubs 4-Drunken Fishermen 0. 

In the sixth inning, the Fowl One hit a single to score Russell in from second base to continue the abuse of the drunks. The drunks really had no control this deep into the game and when Schwarber hit a ball up the middle, Segura fell down, the ball hit him, and he tried to throw the ball to first. 

The ball bounced off of Fowler who was already standing on second base by the time the short stop even tried to make the throw. The Brewers should have realized Segura was too drunk to continue when they saw him lined up on the wrong side of second base while Schwarber was hitting. 

Schwarber and Fowler both advanced 90 feet on the play to put runners at 2nd and 3rd. Unfortunately, Bryant can not seem to crack the century mark in RBI and popped up for the third out of the inning. Cubs 5-Drunks 0.

The Cubs kept piling on in the seventh inning. Anthony Rizzo walked and then scored on a Castro double. The Original Youngster shot a line drive into center field and Rizzo showed some speed by scoring from first base. Cubs 6-Drunks 0. 

The Brewers did finally score in the 7th when Khrash Davis hit a solo home run off of Trevor Cahill. That was it though. Cahill, Wooderson, and Carl's Jr. finished out the game to lock down Arrieta's 22nd win of the season. 

Arrieta's next start will be in the postseason so his final numbers for the year are these:

Record: 22-6 No losses since July 25th. 

ERA: 1.77

Complete games: 4 Leads the league.

Shutouts: 3 Leads the league.

No Hitter: 1

Innings Pitched: 229 Tied for NL.

Hits per 9 innings: 5.9 Leads the league.

Home Runs per 9 innings: 0.4 Leads the league. 

Great job Jake Arrieta! I'm assuming he will be the Cy Young winner, but regardless, he's the best pitcher the Cubs have had in a very long time. I can't wait to see him in the Wild Card Game. 

That's the Reckless Recap. Thank you for taking this magical journey to Ariel's Grotto. And remember, when you wish....