by Boutros Boutros Ghali
When the Cubs have gone into Busch Stadium, things have generally gone poorly. When you throw Homerun Haren into the mix, it is hard for Cubs fans to have a ton of hope for the game. Well, Haren did not give up any home runs (or any runs) and the Cubs beat up on the Cardinals so bad that by the time the game was over it looked like Wrigley Field South in the Loo.
The Fowl One went yard on the Birds in the first at bat of the game to launch the Cubs into a lead against Loretta Lynn that lasted all day long. It was the 17th home run of Fowler's season and the 14th time he has done it to lead off a game. The Fowl One was sitting on a full count when he jumped all over a fastball to send it over the wall in right field.
The Cubs put two more on against Lynn in the first but could not score again. Cubes Fans were flipping out about leaving runners in scoring position with Homerun Haren taking the mound.
Haren silenced the crowd at Busch and some of his critics in Chicago by absolutely owning the Cardinals on Labor Day. Haren only gave up 7 hits over 7 innings with 2 walks and 5 strikeouts. One of the walks was in the first inning, but Montero cleaned it up by gunning down Jason Heyward stealing second base to end the inning.
Cubs fans were pretty happy with the one run lead after the first inning, but nobody yet realized how happy this holiday was going to get. Loretta Lynn was a coal miner's daughter and he continued digging a hole in the second innning.
The Original Youngster and the Heir Apparent, Russell, got on base in the second inning with a single and a walk respectively. Lynn was struggling and The Fowl One got his second at bat in the second inning. Fowler was locked in and lit up Lynn with a long double to score both Castro and Russell for a 3-0 lead. As good as Fowler was in the first two innings, he was almost forgotten after what happened later.
Haren continued to slip his balls past the Cardinals in the second and only faced four to get through the bottom half of the inning.
In the third inning, the Cubs continued to put pressure on the Coal Miner's Daughter and Lynn continued to produce diamonds. Coghlan singled and then Rizzo drove the runner in from first with a double. Cubs 4-Cards 0.
Lynn did get Bryant out, but Miggy Balls was there to deliver the knockout punch. With Rizzo on second base, the Cubs' catcher singled to drive in the fifth run of the game. Cubs 5-Cardinals 0.
With five diamonds already given up, Matheny pulled Lynn after only 2.1 innings. But the Cubs continued to take the Cardinals to Fist City with Maness on the mound.
Seth Maness entered in relief of Lynn. He was able to get an out right away, but the game of baseball requires 3 outs before the other team has to go on defense and Maness had some issues pulling that off.
Hitter Haren stepped up to the plate with two outs in the third, and hit one out to Heyward to continue his great game. Montero went first to third on the single.
Addison Muscle is getting his recently and with two men on base, the Handsome Youngster popped one just over the wall in center field. Cubs had an 8-0 lead and were headed for a win while the Best Fans In Baseball were headed for the exits.
With the Best Fans In Baseball leaving, the Best Team In Baseball (by record) was still struggling to do anything against Dan Haren.
Tyler Lyons was the first pitcher to figure the Cubs out and kept them from scoring in the fourth for the first time all game. The Cardinals still could not make hay vs Haren even with a couple of hits in the fourth inning.
The Cardinals pushed their luck with Lyons since he was the only guy to keep the Cubs off the board. In the Fifth inning, the Cubs made them pay for it.
Miggy Balls hit an easy out to the Lyons, but the pitcher tossed an errant ball to the first baseman and Montero was safe on the error. Montero then went first to third on the single by Castro.
Dan Haren had done it all in this game. He had pitched well, gotten a single, scored a run, and now it was time for an RBI just to make sure he got his money's worth. The pitcher popped a sacrifice fly into center field to allow Montero to run home for the ninth run of the day. Cubs 9-Cardinals 0.
Haren continued through the seventh inning of this game. It was by far the best game he has had as a Cub and the Cubs fans gave him some love at Busch Stadium.
Cubs fans were also treated to the first major league appearance of Carl Edwards Jr. in this game. The Best Fans In Baseball were gone so the crowd was really able to cheer on the youngster as he threw an inning of scoreless ball.
Carl walked his first batter, but Bryant, Castro, and Rizzo doubled up the next one. Castro also fielded a grounder for the third out and the new pitcher was back in the dugout in 10 pitches.
Zac Rosscup got to stretch out a little with a 9 run lead in the ninth inning. He was having so much fun he decided to get four outs in the inning.
With Wong batting, Rosscup threw a wild slider for a swinging strike three. Unfortunately, the pitch got away from Montero behind the plate and Wong was safe at first. Rosscup got the next two batters for his second and third strikeouts of the inning, but still had to get the Man With Two First Names to groundout to finish the game.
That's the Reckless Recap! Cubs 9-Satanic Fowl 0.
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