by Boutros Boutros Ghali

In Game 1 of the double header on Tuesday, Gerrit Cole was facing off against Jason Hammel and every time they said Cole vs Hammel, Cubs Nation had a nasty flashback to the recent no hitter at the hand of Cole Hamels. There was no fear of either team being no hit Tuesday as both pitchers gave up hits in the first inning. With that out of our minds, the only thing to fear was too many hits by the Pirates. 

The Handsome Youngsters struck first with a run in the first inning. The Fowl One worked four bases almost single handedly. He got a single to get on base and then stole second base. Stewart made a throwing error from behind the plate and Fowler picked up third on the botched play.

Chris "Cobra" Coghlan is Clutch and went deep enough into center field to allow Fowler to run home on the sacrifice fly. The Cubs took the early 1-0 lead. 

Unfortunately, that was as good as it was going to get for awhile. Jason Hammel did not have his stuff in Pittsburgh. It was three rivers of shit in the first inning for Hammel. The Cubs starter had a lead to start the inning and a deficit to end it. 

Hammel started the game by walking Polanco who already has a ton of trouble walking on his own and hitting Walker who was trying to hit instead of walk. With a stumbler and a Walker on base, Cutch went clutch and drove in a run to tie it. Cubs 1-Bucs 1. 

Hammel finally gets an out against Liu Kang, but then walks another batter to load the bases. Chris Bosio headed out to the mound and said "Get your crap together, Dumbass!" It didn't work because Dee Snider wasn't gonna take it anymore and he drove in two more runs with a single to center field. Cubs 1-Pirates 3. 

Both pitchers got it together in the second and third innings and nobody scored despite a number of baserunners. In the fourth, the Pirates got to Hammel again and drove him from the game. 

Hammel did get two outs, but after a single to the pitcher and a double to Walker, the Pirates were able to extend their lead to three runs. Maddon loves to pull pitchers with two outs in an inning and Captain Hook called on Cahill to lead the team into the fifth inning. Cubs 1-Pirates 4. 

Cahill actually pitched all of the fifth inning and two outs into the sixth. He only allowed one hit while ringing up four strikeouts. 

Gerrit Cole continued to look good up until the seventh inning. He started the inning with a strikeout, but then gave up back to back hits to Montero and Castro. Tommy LaStella entered as a pinch hitter for Rosscup and hit a double to drive in Montero and put two runners in scoring position. Cubs 2-Bucs 4. 

That was it for Cole. The Pirates brought in Soria and they were Soria they did that. The Bucs' relief pitcher threw the ball away against Fowler and Castro was able to score on the passed ball. Cubs 3-Pirates 4. 

LaStella moved up to third base on the wild pitch as well. When Soria went wild with another one, he was in position to score a second run on a passed ball in the inning. All of a sudden the game was tied 4-4. Soria finally got out of the inning on a Schwarber strikeout, but the damage had been done. 

Unfortunately, there was no more damage to be done on the Cubs side of the bats. The Handsome Youngsters would not score again in the game. 

Now, I'm sure Cubs fans everywhere are freaking out because Grimmlock was on the mound when the Pirates retook the lead, but it really was not his fault. Well, some of it was, but the final dagger in the cadaver was placed there by Castro. 

Grimmlock walked the first batter he faced. Alvarez walked and then was replaced by pinch runner Flo-rida. Florimon took off for second base and Montero threw the ball to Castro to get the runner. Unfortunately, the ball was short and Castro did a bull cape wave instead of getting in front of the ball. Flo-rida went right round second and ended up at third on the error. 

Starling Marte hit a sacrifice fly to Schwarber and Florimon scored the winning run. Grimm did give up the walk that led to all of this, but if Castro just keeps Florimon at second by getting in front of the ball, Grimm could might have gotten out of the inning with no runs since he got the next three guys to flyout, groundout, and strikeout. Cubs 4-Pirates 5. 

Melancon (pronounced Melon-sen, not Melon-Cone) came on to lock it down for the Pirates. Melancon is one of the best closers in the game and that was all she wrote for the Handsom Youngsters. 

That's your Reckless Recap of game 1. Don't worry, I will have game 2 up as well and the Cubs won that one so it will be more fun. Go Cubs!