By Boutros Boutros Ghali

Cubs vs Cardinals has always been a bit heated between the fans of these two teams, but for many years it was pretty much one sided on the field. That has all changed. The Cubs are now the equal (if not better) than the Cardinals. The rivalry is real and it could have boiled over in yesterday's game. 

Luckily, we have a youngster who is fiery, damn handsome, but also level headed enough to only take a couple of steps towards the mound to get his point across. Yes, Anthony Rizzo finally stepped out to a pitcher after being hit for his 29th time this season because for the first time, it was obvious that a pitcher was throwing at him. 

Of course it was a Cardinals pitcher. Like the Best Fans In Baseball, they are generally regarded as a great team, but anybody who pays a little attention knows that they go dirty quickly when things are not going their way. 

Belisle was on the mound with Rizzo batting in the seventh with two outs. Belisle threw the first pitch down and at Rizzo's legs. The ball got behind Rizzo and grazed his gorgeously defined (probably hairless) calf muscle on the first pitch. It was very clearly a retaliation for Dan Haren hitting Matt Holliday in the head earlier in the game. 

I know what you are thinking. "Whoah! Kind of buried the lead on that one didn't you, Boutros? Homerun Haren hit Holliday in the head? Besides being a great alliteration, you might have mentioned that earlier. It's probably justified for the Cardinals to throw at Rizzo." 

The difference between the two is that Haren's throw was not intentional. In the fifth inning, Haren started losing control of all of his pitches. The same pitch flew up and in on Tony Cruz earlier in the inning the exact same way the ball went up and in on Holliday. Then Cruz hit the ball hard out to left field because Haren did not get it where he wanted it. 

Moss only saw one pitch, because Haren once again did not get the ball where he wanted it and Moss nailed it. The lack of control was apparent before Holliday got to the plate. Haren threw that 4-seam fastball like he threw to Cruz, but this time the batter was not able to get out of the way despite the ball only going 86 mph, which is slow as hell to MLB hitters.

So that's what happened while you were sitting in your cubicle farm doing TPS reports yesterday during the game. The other 15% of us were watching the game. 

One pitcher lost control of his pitches, which is not unheard of for Haren. One pitcher lost control of his actions, which is not unheard of for the Cardinals. And one hitter, almost lost control of his young handsome mind, but backed off and took his base without escalating the situation unlike the Satanic Fowl had done. 

All right, that's your reckless recap. Go Cubs!

Oh, wait. I did not recap the game did I? Yes, a lot more happened in this game and unlike your traditional media outlets, I'm not going to forget about all the good stuff that happened. 

Loretta Lynn should stick to coal mining instead of trying to pitch to the team on the North Side of Chicago, because she has lost all ability to do so in September. The Cubs touched her up for 6 runs in two innings the last time she was handling balls on the mound and it was not much better this time. 

Dexter Fowler grounded out to start the game, but Schwarber took a walk and so did Coghlan. Putting two guys on with walks in front of Rizzo is never a good idea, but especially at the start of a game. Plunk shot a single up the middle past a diving dead bird and the Cubs took the early lead as Schwarber rumbled home. 

Tommy LaStella got the start at 3B for the game because Kris Bryant was out trying to make some money to pay his bills. Rookie contracts don't go far in the Windy City. 

Anyway, Tommy LaStella was taking people home too. With a runner at third, The Stella went opposite field for a double to drive in the second run.

That prompted a visit to the mound. The Cardinals coach told Loretta to hit the next batter, but she did not have the control for that. Montero walked on four straight pitches to be the third batter of the inning with a free pass. 

The Original Youngster, Starlin Castro, has been reborn. Castro took the second pitch he saw out to center with a line drive. Rizzo scored and the Cubs had three early runs. Cubs 3-Cards 0.

Loretta Lynn was able to get the first batter out and the eighth and ninth batters out in the first inning. The Cubs scored three on the way through the inning and the Wrigley Field faithful were getting loud. 

Unfortunately, Homerun Haren was on the mound and a three run lead is only safe for about a minute when he's pitching. The Cardinals retaliated with two runs in the second to put the satanic fowl within striking distance. 

Stephen Spaghetti (I refuse to use baby talk) reached first on an error by Rizzo. Then Kolten Wong, the whitest Asian name ever created, hit a triple to score the Italian from first. Tony Cruz grounded out, but it was far enough for Wong to make a short run to the plate. Cubs 3-Cards 0.

With the early scoring out of the way, both pitchers settled down to keep the score at 3-2 for the next couple of innings. Loretta Lynn caught the black lung and had to leave in the fourth inning after showing some discomfort on the mound. Haren got the hook after the Holliday hit and both teams started scoring again in the fifth inning.

Kozma replaced Holliday as a pinch runner at first base and then Zac Rosscup, in for Haren, walked Karen Carpenter to load the bases. Karen trotted to first base with heart shaped eyes as she got to stand next to Anthony Rizzo. 

Tommy Pham walked as well and the Cardinals tied the game on some bad pitching by Rosscup. Captain Hook already had Tommy Hunter up in the bullpen, but Rosscup had to face Heyward. Surprisingly, Heyward struck out on three straight pitches. Regardless, Hunter was called in for the final out of the inning and Rosscup returned to the dugout to be publicly shamed. 

Seth Maness came on to pitch in the fifth inning and like every other pitcher in this game, did not have any control. He walked Miggy Smalls to start the inning and then the Original Youngster went yard for a two run homer deep into the left field bleachers to disrupt a party of Cardinals fans there to celebrate the holy union of two cousins who are deeply in love with each other. Cubs 5-Dead Birds 3.

That would have been enough to send the Cardinals packing, but as I said before, the OY was reborn! It took Maness four more hitters to get out of the fifth. In the sixth, he gave up a single and was lifted for Choad-Boy. Choate got an out, but Matheny decided to bring in Steve Cishek. 

Bryant grounds out and moves Action Jackson over to second base. Montero got a walk and all of a sudden, it was Casto time again. Castro was already 2-2 with a walk and 3 RBI in the game.

On the first pitch from Cishek, Castro went deep into the left field bleachers again. The young man finally hit double digits on homers for the year with his 10th this season. He also tied his greatest single game RBI output of his career with six on the game. The last time he did that was in his big league debut way back in 2010. The Original Youngster REBORN! Cubs 8-Dead Birds 3.

The bullpen looked great for a second straight game and even Manny Ramirez showed up to pitch in the ninth inning. The Cubs beat the Cardinals to get to six games back in the division. The Pirates lost to the Dodgers and the Cubs are one game from the top Wild Card spot. 

That's your Reckless Recap. Go Cubs!

Remember, you can by choad cream for your randy choad at Amazon.com. If you click on the Amazon banner on the SonRanto.com website, we will get a little kickback for advertising. Those pennies go into a sock and when we get enough of them, we smack suckers across the head with it and steal their money to keep the podcast and website up and running. So go to Amazon and get capitalistic. 

Also, give money to the GoFundMe campaign to help Danny Rockett with his Cubs album. Every dollar you spend, you get one chance at winning a Whales throwback jersey from the Cubs/Royals promotional game earlier this year. You will also be listed as a producer and amazing songs like The Ballad of Jake Arrieta and Cobra will be released into the shared subconscious of Cubdom. 

You can also stop by Charlatan and Three Aces to give the Loveable Lou Sears, Lyle Aker, some of your hard earned cash in exchange for alcohol and food. Get drunk and fat so that Lyle will finally have enough money to hire someone to put his pants on for him because his wife seems to think he can do it on his own.