by Boutros Boutros Ghali
The Chicago Cubs are doing it again. Last week, they beat Lynn and Wacha on consecutive days and this week they have done it again. In an exciting game with the Satanic Fowl mounting a late inning Fake Rally, it was Addison Russell locking the game down.
Just like last week the Cubs got to Wacha early with two runs in the first inning. Soler back in the lineup and trying to make up for lost time worked a walk as the second batter of the game.
Kris Bryant wanted to see how fast Soler could run and dropped a double into the left field corner. Soler was up to the challenge and was able to score from first on the hit. Soler went around the bases so fast, the Cardinals did not even attempt to throw him out at home.
Rizzo grounded out and moved Bryant to third base, which brought up the hero from the first game of the series, Starlin Castro. Castro is not done being awesome and was able to shoot a grounder between the short stop and third baseman to drive Bryant in for the second run of the game.
Wooderson got the start in this game, but Cubs fans know it's really a combo start between him and Cahill just like they did in Pittsburgh. The national media reported that Wood got pulled in the third like it was unexpected. But the national media never knows what's going on.
Wood handled the first inning with no issues, but the Cardinals got to him in the second. Illiterate Jhonny and Stephen Spaghetti combined with a double and single respectively, which set up the sacrifice fly from Kolten Wong. Cards cut the lead in half: Cubs 2-Bird Flu 1.
Travis Wood made it to the third inning in 46 pitches, but the call from Captain Hook had much more to do with seeing the lineup for a second time than whether Wood was pitching well. He got two outs in the third and then walked one, which was the cue for Captain Hook to enter stage right and pull his pitcher.
Trevor Cahill who was sitting on his couch just one month ago has now become one half of a dynamic duo. Cubs fans will remember him long after he should have been forgotten for the good games he worked late in this season.
Cahill went 3.1 innings and only allowed two hits and one walk. In the sixth inning, he did hit Kolten Wong to send him to first as well. Three games in a row with questionable plays from the Cubs and I'm starting to think these Handsome Youngsters might have a little bit of an ugly side to them.
For the Cardinals, Michael Wacha might be wishing he'd left a little earlier too, because the Handsome Youngsters stuck the knife in and twisted in the fifth inning.
As I said before, Soler is trying to make up for lost time having missed much of this season on the DL. He was the first batter up in the fifth and Wacha was losing it. Soler jumped all over the first pitch and launched it into the left field bleachers for his 8th homerun of the year.
Bryant smelled blood in the water and went on the attack as well. Bryant hits the ball hard and this time the ball almost ended up on Waveland Ave to put the Cubs up 4-1.
Johnathon Broxton replaced Wacha in the sixth inning and the Cubs switched tactics. Instead of blasting homers, they manufactured a run against the new pitcher.
The Norf Sider started the inning with a pop-up single. Then Old Man Ross laid down a bunt to move the left fielder over to second base. Then LaStella completed the process with a single to center field that allowed Deno to score from second base and put another run on the board. Cubs 5-Cards 1.
Clayton Richard got the call as the third part of the all reliever start and would have gotten through the full inning except for another error by Anthony Rizzo. This guy has made three errors in the last few games and should probably be benched.
Anyway, Grimm had to pitch out of a jam in the seventh after he took over for Richard with men at 2nd and 3rd. Luckily, there were already two outs and Bryant was able to nab Illiterate Jhonny's line drive to end the inning and the threat. 
In the eighth inning, we got to see Leprechaun Rodney out on the mound with his tilted hat and golden beard. We also got to see Kolten Wong get hit again. Yeah, I'm not sure we can chalk two consecutive HBP on Kolten Wong up to bad luck. That being said, both Cahill and Rodney really tried to sell the "Oops" and "Oops, I did it again" when they hit him.
Hector Rondon wanted to pitch in the ninth, but it was not a save situation so he promised Joe he would just hit the first batter he saw and come right back to the dugout. Joe thought that sounded like a fine idea and went back to get the showers warmed up for the two of them.
Rondon hit Greg Garcia. It was the first batter he faced and nobody could understand why anyone would hit Greg. I mean, Greg's a good guy. I like Greg. Everybody likes Greg. Rondon apologized and went to join Joe in the shower.
While the Cubs were all sort of hiding their giggling faces in their hats because Rondon hit Garcia, the Cardinals were taking that shit personally. Zac Rosscup was none too pleased to enter the game to face a very angry Karen Carpenter. Karen hit a ball to the Top of the World and the Cards scored two more runs. Cubs 5-Clay Pigeons 3.
Tommy Pham followed that with a single and Chris Bosio went out to the mound. "Hit the next guy or I'm pulling you, Dumbass."
Rosscup figured it was better to get pulled from the game than try to bean Jason Heyward so he did not. Jason Heyward singled and Rosscup had to leave the game. The rest of the team called him Kim Davis for not doing his job and threw shit at him until he left the dugout.
Pedro Strop replaced Rosscup and had his three out tilt dialed in. He got Illiterate Jhonny to strike out and then Prison Neck Tattoo Molina hit a sacrifice fly to pull the Cardinals within one run. That one run was Heyward standing on first base.
The Strop hat tilt was pointing right at Addison Russell and when Stephen Spaghetti smacked one right up the middle for what everyone thought would be a hit, Addison Russell made a flying dive to snag the grounder. Then he tossed it to Javy Baez for the final out of the game which sent Strop into fist pumping convulsions that required medical treatment after the game.
That's your Reckless Recap. Go Cubs!