by Boutros Boutros Ghali
I guess the Handsome Youngsters took my constructive criticism to heart from yesterday's recap, because on Monday night, the boys in blue were kicking up some dust on the base paths. Either that or the Brewers are quite a bit slower than the Cardinals. Regardless, the Cubs won a shootout in Wrigley to rebound from the loss to the Satanic Fowl on Sunday.
Things did not get off to a good start though. Hammel gave up two early hits and then made a really bad pickoff throw to first base that got by Rizzo. Scooter Gennett scored from third on the error.
Seriously? His name is Scooter? He's either the douchey son of really rich white people or the slow kid that never figured out how to ride a bike. Anyway, Brewers take the early lead on the play and Schafer went to third base.
Santana shot one into the night to drive in Schafer from third base. Santana also stole second base, but Hammel was finally able to get out of the inning with a strikeout of Segura. Cubs 0-Brewers 2 after half an inning.
The Cubs could do nothing against the Acme Pitches from Wily Coyote in the first inning. As we all know though, the Road Runner always wins because he (or she; no clue as to how to determine road runner sex) is so damn fast. It was "Beep,Beep" and a cloud of dust as the Cubs took the lead in the second inning.
You have to walk before you can run and Rizzo did just that in the first at bat of the second inning for the Cubs. Then Starlin, the OY, Hit Maker, Raker, guided a liner to the wall out in left center field.
Rizzo got caught trying to make it home from third on Sunday, but on Monday, he had the speed as he scored all the way from first base. The ball made it in on time, but Maldonado could not gather up the ball in time to catch Anthony as he Rizzed right by. (sorry about that one. They're not all gems.) Castro did not stop either and moved up 90 feet on the throw to the plate so the Cubs had no outs, one run, and a runner on third.
Addison Russell walked and then Jason Hammel put down a bunt and the Brewers caught Castro trying to sneak into score. He ended up heading back towards third and was tagged out.
Russell was on second and Hammel was on first with two outs. Cobra walked and then Dexter Fowler lifted the team into the lead with a double that bounced off of second base to make a weird bounce towards right field.
The Brewers tried to get Fowler going to second base, but the Fowl One was just too fast and after a review was shown to be safe. Russell and Hammel scored on the hit and the Cubs were up 3-2.
After a crappy first inning, Hammel had settled down to work a scoreless second, third, and fourth inning.
As in all things Acme, there are no refunds for operator error. Wily Coyote could not get his balls to work properly in the third inning and the Cubs were able to score again. Bryant and Rizzo both know how to handle balls well and placed two of them nicely into the outfield for back to back singles to start the third inning.
Wily did not like how his balls were working, so he threw the next pitch right at Castro's balls. Thank goat the kid already has kids because he took a tough one to the twosome. Castro's balls eventually dropped back into his scrotum and he was able to walk to first base to load the diamond with Cubs.
Wily finally got an out in the inning when Miggy lined out, but then he walked Addison Russell and the Cubs scored on the free pass. Cubs 4-Brewers 2.
The Brewers came back in the fifth inning to tie it up in Hammel's last inning of work. The Cubs starter gave up a walk and then Adam Lind made it hurt with a two run homer into the left field bleachers. We would normally expect to see Captain Hook pop out from belowdecks on something like this, but Maddon allowed Hammel to complete the inning.
It paid off for Hammel too, because the Handsome Youngsters came through for him in the fifth and the beleaguered pitcher ended up with the win. Wily Coyote never gives up and he was still out on the mound when Bryant and Rizzo came up for a third time.
Bryant singled and Rizzo doubled and Wily took an anvil to the face. With Bryant on third, Castro lifted a pop fly out to center field and Bryant was able to run home on the sacrifice. Then Miggy Balls shot a rocket to right field that exploded in Wily's face as Rizzo sped home and beat yet another throw to the plate. Cubs 6-Brewers 4.
After Wily gave up another hit in the inning, the Brewers finally decided to end his cartoonish performance with a two out hook. They replaced him with one of the Tyler Thornberry and the Brewers ended the inning.
Trevor Cahill replaced Hammel and got into a little trouble in the sixth inning but was able to recover with two straight outs. The Happy Hooker loves pulling a pitcher with two outs, so Clayton Richard finished it off.
The Cubs could not figure out the Wild Thornberry and got sat down four straight times in the fifth and sixth innings.
Clayton Richard returned in the seventh inning and the first out recorded was one of the oddest of the year. Scooter Gennett singled to start the inning. Then with Schafer up to bat, Richard launched one waaaay off the plate.
The ball took a crazy carom off the bricks and shot down the line towards third base to Kris Bryant. Scooter started scooting and should have stopped at second base. Apparently, he's not that quick in any sense of the word (his name is Scooter for goat's sake) and he attempted to take third base as well. Bryant and Gennett both dove for third base and Bryant won the race.
Rizzo hit a single for his second hit of the night and third trip out to the bases. Castro followed with a double to put two runners in scoring position. The Cubs needed no speed to score in this inning, because Jorge Soler hit a three run jack so everyone got to trot home at a leisurely pace. Cubs 9-Brewers 4.
Home run Hunter pitched in the eighth and Khrash Davis made him live up to the name. It was a solo shot to start the inning and cut the lead down to 9-5 in favor of the Cubs.
Wooderson cruised in the ninth and the Cubs won 9-5 to get Hammel another victory for the season. That's your Reckless Recap. Go Cubs.