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NLDH: More Almora, Less Schwarber

by Michael Cotton-@CubX3

There is a certain contingent out there in Cub fandom that thinks the NLDH is going to be an amazing revelation for the Cubs because they have Schwarber on the team. They think world will be better when Kyle Schwarber gets to be a DH. It's good to have hope, but I feel like there could be some faulty logic in how people think this is going to go.

The first bit of faulty logic is that the DH replaces the pitcher in the lineup, so Schwarber will be replacing the pitcher's spot. That's not how it works. What actually happens is that you can move a player who is not great on defense, but is good at hitting, for a player who is better at defense but not as good at hitting.

If that does not make sense to you, let me explain with Schwarber as my example. A good hitting Schwarber has been in the lineup most of the time for the last three years, averaging over 500 plate appearances per season. Over those three seasons, he is -2.5 in defensive Wins Above Replacement. The reason he gets to continue seeing 500+ plate appearances is because he is also worth +5 offensive WAR in that same time frame with an OPS of .825. Baseball values those offensive numbers enough to deal with his lack of defensive ability. So his spot in the lineup is not changing. If Schwarber has always been there, then he's not replacing the pitcher in the lineup.

The player that replaces the pitcher in the lineup is the player that now gets the opportunity to start because Schwarber is no longer in left field. All that player needs to do is be better than Schwarber at defense and better than a pitcher at offense to get the ninth spot in the lineup. Now, a guy like Albert Almora, who has struggled at the plate, will get an opportunity to start more games because even with a .651 OPS, he's still a better option than a pitcher offensively, and he's still the best defensive option for the Cubs in center field.

No, that doesn't mean I think that Almora is going to play left field. It just means that with left field open, Ian Happ, Steven Souza Jr., or even Daniel Descalso could play left. By the way, Ian Happ has an OPS of .816 in the last three years, so I think he's probably the front runner of those three. If Happ takes over left field, then he's not taking starts from Almora. Unless one of those other guys proves to be better at center field, we are going to see more Albert Almora because of the DH. Are you happy now?

Of course, there are many other scenarios that could play out. The “Schwarber as DH” just happens to be one of the things that people are pointing towards as a good thing. I don't think fans really understand what this actually means.

Kyle Schwarber will disappear from the game except for the 4-5 times he gets to come up to bat. While some Cub fans may think that's the best position for him, I know some left field Bleacher Bums who are going to miss having him patrol that corner every day. The NLDH means less Kyle Schwarber, and less Kyle Schwarber is bad for baseball.

Son Ranto Rants

Start Spreading the Yu's: Cubs vs Mets Prev-Yu

By Danny Rockett

We love you, Yu. So much that some of you will click this link and buy some Yu Darvish merchandise to make him feel better. 

Yu Darvish Chicago Cubs Gear

So, now that we've bought Yu's Shirsey, get his ass to NYC and start a throwing program, or wherever it is injured pitchers go to rehab. Because the Cubs are taking on the Mets and we need Yu back ASAP

The Cubs catch the Mets at a good time to beat them because they have old ass players who are injured as fuck and the best parts of their rotation is nursing a sore finger like the little girl in Sound of Music who can't sing because she hurt her finger. (insert Sound of Music Clip I couldn't find). Im looking at you Thor Injuredgaard and Matz-aball soup for the soul.

Anyway, half the Mets team could take advantage of the senior citizen blue hair special at Denny's and the other half is either in the hospital or young and proving themselves. The Mets have a middle of the road everything, hitting, pitching, defense and though they got off to a hot start, winning 9 in a row in April, their fortunes have flagged recently sitting just a game over even.

The Mets Injury Report is longer than the Bible so I won't print it here but here are some notables you will NOT see (probably)....

Your Anus Cespedes, Todd "I've Always Looked Old" Frazier, Wilmer "Llores" Flores (he cried on the field when he thought he was traded and llorar means "cry" in Spanish), and Thor Injurgaard are all well.... injured. There are others but who cares, you get the point, they are hurt. 

The Mets bullpenis terrible too and blew 2 saves this week. So look for them to suck late. They split 4 with the Braves this week including a Memorial Day double dip, so not only are they injured but tired too. They are almost in one of these.

Some stats comparing the 2 teams I wrote down the other day.


Mets are middle of the road in all offensive categories. 15th-20th in majors

Hit 4 fewer homers than the Cubs 21st, and 16th Cubs

Middle of the road walks. Cubs now 4th most.

11th best in not striking out. Cubs 5th best.

Both Mets and Cubs are bottom 3rd of the league in stealing bases, Mets have 4 more.

Cubs have scored 51 more runs than the Mets



Cubs 3.36, 5th  to Mets 4.23, 19th team ERA

Cubs 3.81 to Mets 4.16 Starters 9th and 15th

Cubs 2.71 to Mets 4.33 relievers 3rd and 23rd

Cubs 3rd in walks, Mets 19th

Mets 7th in Ks Cubs 18th

Cubs given up 3rd fewest homers. Mets 12th most. 14 more



Cubs 9th in Errors, Mets 19th

67 % chance of stealing on Willson/Cubs, 83% chance on stealing against the Mets. Mesoroco and Plawecki

Cubs 4th in DER. .715 Mets….678, 6th worst

And here are your pitching matchups for the weekend 4 game series. If you're buying tickets to any Cubs game, please click our Stubhub links and we can get paid. 


Jose Quintana 5-4, 4.78 vs  Seth Lugo 2.48

6:10 NBC Sports


Jose went 7 IP against the Mets, 2 runs on 6 hits. 7 Ks

Last time against the Giants, 4 runs on 5 hits. 6 Ks (5 in a row) 4.1 innings. Ian Happ’s fault.

Bautista is only 2-22 but they are both homers.

Cespedes is 10-18 with 4 homers.


Lugo hasn’t started yet this year. 2.48 ERA.

8 runs on 7 hits, only lasted 3 ip in 2017 against Cubs

Rizzo has homer. Cubs batting .346 off him. No one has more than 5 PAs.



Wilder Chatwalk 3-4, 4.10 vs. Zack Wheeler 2-4, 5.40

6:10 NBC Sports

Michael Conforto replica jersey


Chatwood walked the side against the Giants, but Cubs still won. Leads the league in walks with 45.

Saw Mets twice last year. In Colorado gave up 8 runs on 8 hits and lasted 5.

In NYC. Only got one out before giving up a grand slam after walking 3.

Jay Bruce kicks the Crap out of him, 9 ABs, 4 hits, 2 homers.

Yoenis, Asdrubal Cabrera, and Adrian Gonzales have homered off him too.


Zack gave up 4 runs on 6 hits hits against milwaukee last time, lasted 6

Cubs knocked him out in the 2nd last year after getting 8 runs on 6 hits as Rizzo and Happ went deep on him. Cubs won 14-3.

Heyward has 2 homers off Wheeler as well.



Mike Montgomery? 1-1, 4.35 Vs. Jacob DeGrom 4-0 1.52 off DL early May.

6:15 on Fox

Todd Frazier BP Pullover Day


Monty was awesome last time out vs. Pirates on Memorial Day.

Pitched 9 total innings against the Mets, started once and went 5. 3 total runs.

Mets only have 26 PA’s against Monty spread over 12 players. No extra base hits.


Degrom went 7, Kd, 8, 1 run and Mets lost 4-3 when they blew it.

Cubs saw him last year, and Jacob pitched a complete game. 1 run.

Rizzo, Russell and Schwarber have homered. KB twice! Bryzzo batting over .300

Baez, Zobrist and Contreras don’t have a hit off him in 22 PAs.


G 4

Jon Lester 5-2, 2.71 vs. Steven Matz? 2-3, 3.55 or maybe rookie or bullpenis terrible game

Abc 7 MLBN 12:10

Mets Fanny Pack Night


Lester got knocked around by the buccos, giving up 4 runs and 8 hits, 2 Lesters and hard contact. But the Cubs won and he went 6 IP.

Saw Mets twice last year, went 6 and 7 IP, 3 total runs. One game had 10 Ks.

Bautista has 5 homers in 61 ABs, but is only batting .230

Wilmer Flores has 3 homers in 16 ABs .375 avg.

Reyes Bruce and Gonzales suck against him.


Matz was taken out after the 3rd because of a finger injury against the Braves on Tuesday. Then the bullpenis blew it. Was good against brewers, 0 runs on 4 hits through 6.

Cubs haven’t seen him since 2016 when they got 7 runs in just over 10 innings over 2 games.

Bryant, Baez and Rizzo have homered off of him.

The Mets bullpen? A Rookie?

Mets used 5 pitchers on Monday to beat the Braves 8-5. Conlon and Robles threw 46 and 45 pitches. Conlon got sent down.


Check out my conversation with real live Mets Fan Uncle Mike as we discuss the upcoming series on The Son Ranto Show



Cubs on the Chopping Block

By Danny Rockett

Kind of a misleading headline for a simple Cubs and Braves preview but whatever. Click bait.

The Braves are the best and most racist team in the National League right now. They hit better than the Cubs with the best batting average in the majors and they find themselves 10 games over .500 atop the NL East. The Cubs are familiar with the Injun's hitting prowess at this point in the season. They've lost 2 of 3 games to the Native Americans. Cubs got shut out 4-0 and lost in dramatic fashion yesterday when Q's "Uality Start" of 6 runs over 4.2 IP, which included 3 Red Man dongs capped off KB's Klurching with the bases loaded in the 9th, and the Cubs were scalped 6-5. The only game the Cubs won against the Squaw's was that crazy cold rainy game when the Cubs scored 9 in the 8th when the Red Skinned pitchers couldn't hold the ball because someone stole all their buffalo skins.

The Savages pitching is pretty good too. Their team ERA is in the mid 3's, as is the Cubs, thanks to our #bullpenis which is nearly a run better than the Braves #bullpenis. The only thing the Pocahantas pitchers suck at is giving up walks. They've given up the 2nd most in MLB. Cubs aren't much better as they've walked the 5th most batters in organized baseball.

Here are the match-ups. (click the link, buy shit, we get paid)

Yu Darvish Chicago Cubs Gear



Yu Darvish 0-3, 6.00 Vs. Mike Foltynewics 3-2, 3.21

6:35 Central


Chop On Trucker Hat with a Tomahawk on it


Yu comes off the 10 day fake DL after giving up 6 runs to the Rockies through 4.1 innings., 3 walks, 8 ks, and 3 homers..

4 runs on 9 hits against ATL, walked 4 in April. Cubs shut out 4-0. Yu only went 4.2 IP

Bautista is only 2-23, 9 Ks.

Bautista and Preston Tucker (LF) have homered off of him


Folty gave up 1 run on 3 hits over 5IP in Miami last time.

Cubs last year, 2 runs on 5 hits, lasted 6.1IP while Cubs shut out Braves 2-0 in a John Lackey start.

Rizzo and Russell have homered.

Bryant 0-6



Tyler Chatwood 3-3, 3.35 Vs. Brandon McCarthy 4-2, 5.58

6:35 Central



Last time, Penis Whisperer walked 6, Kd 6 in an 11-2 Win over the Sox. Only 2 runs on 3 hits, lasted 5 IP.

Faced ATL twice in relief last year, went 2 innings each time, only gave up a hit and a walk.

Freddie Freeman is 7-13, seen him most.

No one has homered. But Braves have a .965 OPS in 46 PA’s


BM gave up 11 hits and 6 runs, lasted 5IP in a loss to Miami last time.

Faced the Cubs twice last year and shut them out over 6IP each time when with the Dodgers.

Benzo and Heyward have homered off him

Bryant and Schwarber 0-6.



Jon Lester 3-1, 2.66 vs Ma ma ma Mike Soroka (sung to the tune of My Sharona)1-1, 3.68 (only 20 years old)

6:35 Central



Lester gave up 1 run on 4 hits, lasted 5.2 against the White Sox on my birthday 5/12 in a rain delayed start.

Faced ATL twice last year for a total of 12 innings. One game he gave up 3 homers, but Cubs won both.

Bautista has 5 homers off him in 61 ABs but only batting .230

Freeman has 2 dongs. (which must be cumbersome)

Inciarte only 1-11.


Ma-ma-ma Mike Soroka went 4.2, 8 hits, 5 runs against Miami but Braves won 10-5 last time out.

Cubs never seen Ma-ma-ma Mike Soroka

Ma-ma-ma Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Woo!!

Ma ma ma Mike Soroka!


(We’re fucked.)


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At Least the Crappy Marlins are Coming to Town

By Danny Rockett


Well that sucked. To get swept by the Cardinals the way the Cubs got swept by the Cardinals is just about the worst baseball imaginable. The Cubs kicked the ball around so much I thought I was watching soccer. Untimely errors and hitting lead to unearned runs and un-earned runs. It sucked hard. But here's the bright side. The Cubs will face two teams under .500 this week, beginning with the Marlins for 3 games at Wrigley and then the White Sox over the weekend. The bad news is....the Marlins have been pretty good lately.

After getting swept by Milwaukee, the Marlins have gone on to win their next 4 series against the banged up Trolley Dodgers (who couldn't dodge a trolley apparently), The Rockies, The Phillies (they beat Arrieta), and finally the hapless Reds who don't even have 10 wins yet. Add to that the fact that the Cubs only managed a split of 4 games against the Marlins in the first series of the season, slightly outscoring the last place Marlins 19-18, and it doesn't look as much of a cakewalk as we might have hoped after hearing about Derek Jeter's fire sale. 

Jeter is trying to build an entire time that rhymes with Marlin. So far he has Starlin (Castro) and Jarlin (Garcia). Word has it he's working on getting Jeff Garlin to switch his allegiances from the Cubs to Miami. 

Miami has a record of 13-20, last place and are 7-3 in their last 10. The Cubs are a game over .500 at 16-15 and have split their last 10. 

So far this year, their numbers stink, but the Cubs haven't been much better. These stats are from a couple of days ago, but you get the picture.


Marlins have the lowest OPS in the majors .621. Cubs middle of the pack .724

Marlins hit the least amount of homers  22. Cubs 5th least, 28

5th fewest walks, Cubs 4th fewest walks.

Cubs 6th fewest Ks. Marlins in the middle of the pack.

3rd fewest SB’s to Cubs least SB’s in the majors. Tied with the A’s

Scored the least amount of runs. 99 to Cubs 138, in the middle.



4.63 to 3.38 Team ERA. Advantage Cubs

Starters, 3.91 to 4.38 Advantage Cubs

Relievers 4.94 to 2.57 Advantage Cubs

Marlins given up the 3rd most walks. Cubs 5th most.

Marlins middle of the road in giving up homers. Cubs 8th best.

Marlins middling in Ks, Cubs in the bottom of the league.



Cubs have committed the 3rd most errors. Marlins 6th least.

Marlins lead the league in Caught Stealing and the 5th fewest SBs against. Realmuto is good.

Cubs now middle of the road in throwing runners out.


So unfortunately, the Cubs are simply not that much better than the Marlins, at least offensively so far. Here are the matchups for the games that look like they will be played in cool but dry weather except for possible showers on Wednesday.


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Lefty Jarlin the Marlin Garcia 1-0, 1.09 Vs. Kyle Hendricks 2-2, 3.19

KW Flag day

Rematch of March 30th. Cubs lost 2-1

Cubs only got 1 hit and 0 runs off of Jarlin over 6IP in the first series of the season. Cubs lost 2-1

Last time out gave up 1 run on 4 hits over 6IP against the Dodgers. Marlins lost 2-1

Jarlin has a .848 WHIP

Rizzo, Bryant and Heyward have the only hits in 25 PAs

Kyle gave up 1 run on 4 hits against the Marlins in March. Lasted 6

Last time Kyle gave up 0 runs and 4 hits against the Brewers. 0 walks.

Justin Bour is only 1-11 but it’s a homer.

.530 OPS in 77 total PAs




Jose Urethra 0-5, 4.28 Vs. Yu Darvish 0-3, 6.00


Cubs got 5 runs on 6 hits against urethra on opening day. He walked 4 and lasted 4 innings.

Gave up 1 run on 6 hits against Colorado last time and lasted 7.

Happ has 2 homers, Rizzo and Jay Hey have homers.

Bryant 1-7 with 5 walks.

Cubs have a 1.087 OPS in 71 ABs


Yu gave up 5 runs on 5 hits against the Marlins on 3/31 and lasted 4.1

Last time, 6 runs on 7 hits against Colorado lasted 4.1. Kd 8.

Derek Dietrich homered off of him.

Cameron Maybin only 1-11.



Wei Yin Chen 1-1, 4.82 Vs. Jose Quintana 3-2, 4.99

Cubs haven’t seen him since 2016, 2 runs on 5 hits lasted 7, Kd 7

Last time, 4 runs, 5 hits, walked 4. Lasted 4 against the Reds

Zobrist 48 PAs batting .349 with a homer


Quintana gave up 6 runs on 6 hits in 6 innings against the Marlins on April 1/Easter

Friday night against the Cardinals he gave up 3 unearned runs. 5 hits. Walked 4. Cubs lost.

Starlin Castro is 0-15 and no one has homered off of him.


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Cubs and Cardinals: The Rivalry Continues

By Danny Rockett

The Cubs head to St. Toothless for a 3 game weekend series beginning tonight and I'm here to tell you all about how the two longtime rivals match up. 

The Cubs and Cards split a series at Wrigley with the Cubs winning 8 to 5 and losing 5-3, with a 3rd game being washed out and rescheduled on July 21st. In fact, 2 games were postponed, but the cubs 8-5 win was made up the next day. Currently, the Cubs sit half a game back of the Cardinals and a full game back of the Brewers, who've continued beating up on bad teams like the Reds, the Royals, and the Padres while looking like the Cubs kid brother when they play Chicago. But this preview isn't about the Brewers, it's about the sticky chested, STD ridden, resting bitch faced Cardinals. Here's who they are.

The Cards just took 2 from the White Sox on the south side and had 2 weekday off days bookending the series, so their #Bullpenis unfortunately rested. What's left of em anyway. Brett Cecil, Ryan Sherriff, and Sam Tuivalala are all injured, though Sherriff is expected back soon. And Adam Wainwright has a hurt elbow, which he hurt at Wrigley in the Cardinals win, but could be back to face the Cubs Sunday night as no starter has been announced.

The Cardinals don't hit for average, with Kolten Wong, Dexter Fowler, and Matt Carpenter all hitting below .200, but they have hit 9 more homers than the Cubs led by Paul DeJong with 7 and Yadier Molina with 6.  The Cards also walk more than the Cubs and steal more bases. (But everyone steals more bases than the Cubs who are last in the majors)

Pitching wise, last minute free agent edition Greg Holland hasn't worked out for the Cardinals so far. He's given up 7 runs and 8 walks in just over 7 innings pitched. thus, their bullpen ERA of 3.49 is nearly a run worse than the Cubs. However, their starters are nearly a run better than the Cubs starters. but luckily, the Cubs will miss their best starter, the STD ridden Carlos Martinez,  with a 3-1 record, a strike out per inning, 1.40 ERA, and herpes. Of note. The Cardinals have given up the fewest homers in the majors.

Defensively, Yadi hasn't caught anyone stealing yet. But it's because runners don't try. Only 7 SBs allowed. Of concern, the Cubs have committed the 4th most errors in the Major Leagues, yet still rank ahead of the Cardinals in defensive efficiency.Which kind of just sounds like a description of Javier Baez.

Here are the matchups, and if you're buying tickets to any upcoming Cubs games, please shop through our Stubhub link so we can get a little scratch. 


Jose Wintana 3-1 5.24 Vs. Miles Mikolas 3-0, 3.27 who spent the last 3 years in Japan.


NBC Sports Chicago

76-55 degrees

Academy Sports + Outdoors Autograph Night
Current player Jordan Hicks will appear from 5:45 to 6:15 and sign for fans 15 years old and under. Former Cardinals Tom Lawless and Kyle McClellan will sign for fans of all ages from 6:15 to 7:00.

Wintana, 7 IP, 2 hit, 1 walk, 7 Ks vs Milwaukee
Saw STL twice last year. Went 6 and 5.2, gave up 3 each time. Cubs won both games
Fowler batting .385 and has 16 PAs against with a homer. Dejong homered too.
Carpenter, Pham and Wong, 3-19 combined

Last time for Miles. 7 IP, 2 runs on 6 hits vs. Pitt. Kd 7
Cubs haven’t seen him since 2012 when he was with the Padres as a reliever. Cubs surprisingly won both games, but only managed 2 hits off Mikolas.
Zobrist 1-4, Heyward 0-1


Tyler Chatwood 2-3, 2.83 Vs Luke Weaver 2-2, 5.17

1:15 ABC

79-55 degrees
Pet Treat Jar
Presented By Purina | 30,000 fans, ages 16 and older

Fans with a special ticket will be allowed to bring their dog to a designated section of the ballpark, courtesy of Purina. Stay tuned for information regarding a pre-game full of activities to get your tail wagging.


Tyler, 2 Runs on 1 hit  and 7 walks against St Louis in April. Cubs lost.
Last time 2 hits, 7 IP, 3 walks, against Milwaukee. 0 runs
No Cardinal has homered of Chatwood, and Dex is 0-5, But Cards have a .408 OBP, 11 walks in 49 PA’s

We got 6 runs on 9 hits in 4 innings off him at Wrigley in April.
Gave up 4 through 5.1 last time in Pitt.
14 runs in his last 14 IP over 3 starts including that game against the Cubs
Bryant, Baez and Russell have homered off of him.
Cubs have a 1.205 Total OPS in 49 PA’s


Jon Lester 2-1 2.73 Vs. Michael Wacha 4-1, 3.62 or Adam Wainwright 1-2, 3.45 (My guess is a pitcher whose last name starts with "W" starts this game for the dirty birds.)



79-53 degrees

Prairie Farms Ice Cream Sundays

All Sundays, starting two hours prior to every home game, enjoy games, prizes and free Prairie Farms frozen treats, while supplies last, in the Ford Plaza. Kids Club members will receive front of the line access.


Lester gave up 1 run on 2 hits and Kd 7 against the Cards in April.
Last time 2 runs on 5 hits against Colorado in the win.
Carpenter is horrible against Lester with a .368 OPS in 51 PAS
Yadi also seen him 51 times. Respectable .746 OPS with a homer.
Gyorko and Pham each have 2 homers.
Dejong and Ozuna each have 1.

Wacha against the Sox, 2 runs on 5 hits in 5 IP
Cubs got 19 runs in 22 IP last year against him.
Rizzo has 3 homers off him, Bryant, Happ, Contreras, Schwarber 2 homers off him. Russell 1 homer
Heyward only 2-14

Waino’s last start was against the Cubs and he hurt his elbow and lasted 5. 1 run on 4 hits. Cubs lost.
Rizzo, Heyward and Contreras have homered.
Bryant only 3-17, but 2 doubles.

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Cubs vs Rockies Preview 4/30-5/2

By Danny Rockett

Many Cubs fans have been calling for the head of Nolan Arenado ever since German Marquez spun KB's helmet cartoonishly around last weekend in Colorado, but the baseball gods, led by ancient baseball historian Pythagoras and some Joe Maddon voodoo doll pinning, have the Rockies limping into Chicago. 

Check out this list of injuries the Rockies have suffered since Bryant was hit.

Tyler Anderson, Wednesday's starter, had heart palpitations in Miami. Either this is a result of a coked up club night in The Magic City, Joe Maddon's wine fueled voodoo doll ceremony, or Tyler's heart was completely broken by seeing KB's beautiful face being pummeled by a baseball. 

Kyle Freeland, Mondays starter, has a sore left heel. This is no doubt voodoo doll related. No other plausible explanation.

DJ LeMahieu and Carlos Gonzales both have hamstring issues, though are expected to play. At least until Maddon pops open a nice Pinot Noir and starts sticking pins into their MLB licensed dolls. 

To top it all off. Former Cub Chris Rusin has warts! That is some witchy ass shit right there.

Anyhow, I love how the Cubs retaliated. No warnings issued. And the result? The Rockies only scored 2 runs all weekend against the Marlins, winning their only game of the series 1-0 and getting shutout yesterday. 

Colorado is 4-6 in their last 10, 5 games in back of Arizona in the NL West and despite their winning record, they have a negative 24 run differential, which baseball historian Pythagoras said should make the Rockies 12-17. The Cubs helped them to 2 of these losses a week ago winning 16-5 and 9-7, but losing the middle game 5-2.

Offensively, the Cubs top the Rockies in Batting Avg, OBP, and of course HBP's. The Rockies top the Cubs in stolen bases, walks and homers.

Pitching wise, The Cubs team ERA is a full run better. However, it's mostly the Cubs bullpen that makes it so, which is 2 runs better. So much for spending all your money on a bullpen the day after the World Series ends. Stupid Rockies. Another caveat to consider is that the Rockies home ERA is 2 runs worse than their road record and they've won more on the road than at home. But I guess that shouldn't be a surprise given their stadium is known as a hitters paradise. 

Defensively, the Rockies have half the errors the Cubs do, putting Chicago in the bottom 1/3 of the majors and the Rockies in the top 3rd. If the Cubs decide to try and steal some bases, and they probably won't seeing how they are dead last in this category, but you'd have 76% chance at making it vs. only a 62% chance against Cubs catching.

It's gonna finally be warm at Wrigley, so head down to the game and buy your Stubhub tickets through this link so we can get a little paid! Doesn't cost a dime extra. Just click below and head to Wrigley!

Here are the pitching match-ups unless Joe Maddon starts sticking pins in Rockies dolls.


Battle of the Leftys! Kyle Freeland 1-3, 4.33 Vs. Jon Lester 2-1, 3.29

NBC Sports


Sunny 71-54


Note* Kyle Hendricks should be pitching on Tuesday so we’d have the battle of the Kyles and I could be happy.

Anderson’s heel hurts. Because he stomped in anger after seeing KB’s beautiful face get hit.

Still managed to pitch a 3 hit shutout against Whales Vagina with 8 Ks

Cubs got 5 runs, 3 earned and 4 walks last May against him. And we beat his ass 8-1

Current Cubs have a .349 OPS in 21 PAs against him. 0 homers


Last time vs. Cleveland, Lester gave up 3 Lesters and the Cubs lost to Cleveland

Jon gave up 4 runs on 6 hits and lost to Colorado last June

Gonzales, Ianetta, Arenado, LeMahieu have Lestered off him.

But Gonzales and Ianetta who have seen him most are batting .143 and .182 against Jon



Jon Gray 2-4, 5.79 Vs Kyle Hendricks 2-1, 3.10



Partly cloudy 73-60


Cubs got 7 Runs off Gray, 6 earned on 4/20. He lasted 5 IP

Then Gray went out and pitched a 3 hit shutout against Whales Vagina

Baez homered and went 3-3.

Bryant, Rizzo and Contreras went 0-3


Kyle gave up 3 runs on 5 hits and walked no one last time vs. Rockies through 5 IP

Then went out and gave up 0 runs on 4 hits against the Brewers and lasted 7

Dahl, Desmond, and Arenado have homered off him.

Arenado and Lemahieu only batting .263. (boring stat alert!)

Rockies have a .723 OPs in 125 PAs (another boring stat alert)



Tyler Anderson 1-0, 4.10 Vs. Yu Darvish 0-2, 5.26


50% chance of showers 74-60

Anderson left his last start with a heart issue. Probably caused by the heartache of seeing one of the most beautiful faces in baseball get pummeled with a pitch.

Cubs got 2 runs on 6 hits through 6 and he K’d 6. 666!!! (Cubs lost thanks to these devilish numbers)

Vs. Miami, only lasted 1.1 IP and gave up a hit. Then the heart thing...

Cubs have 34 ABs. OPS of .849 against him. Russell homered.


Yuuuuuuu gave up 5 runs on 5 hits and walked 4 in the loss to Colorado last weekend. 4.2 IP.

He was good till he was bad.

Then 1 unearned run, Kd 8 against the Brewers and went 6.

Cargo has homered off him

Ianetta seen him the most. Only 2-16 with 8 Ks.


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Cubs and Brewers Series Preview

By Danny Rockett

"Bernie and Bernette"

The Cubs come back to Wrigley Field for a 7 game homestand beginning tonight against the red hot Milwaukee Brewers who have won 8 straight games. The Brewers have won so much recently that Kato Kaelin has nothing to bitch about! But it's really not that big of a deal as they've won the games against bad to mediocre teams like the Reds, Marlins, and Royals. The Cubs were of course swept by the Reds, albeit only a 1 game sweeping in Cincinnati, and split the opening series of the year in Miami. So while the Brewers are making hay against lesser opponents, the Cubs have not been and find themselves 3 games behind the 16-9 Brew Crew. The Cubs are 5-5 in their last 10 games.

But don't abandon hope! The Cubs won 3 of 4 in Milwaukee earlier this month, shutting out the Brewers in 2 of the games, outscoring them 20-7. The Cubs are a better hitting team. The Brewers have been a better pitching team so far. And the Brewers defense is shoddy as they lead the major leagues in errors. Here's some day old stats to illustrate.


Cubs hit 16 points higher than the Brewers. 3rd in MLB.

Cubs OBP of .350 is 29 points higher than the Brewers and are 2nd in Majors behind the A’s

Brewers have hit 6 more homers than the Cubs, 5th in majors

Both teams middle of the road in taking walks

The Brewers K more than the Cubs. 7th most in the majors. Cubs 22nd most.

The Brewers are 5th in SB’s. Cubs now last. Only 4.

Cubs have scored 21 more runs than the Brewers in 4 fewer games.



3.32 Brewers to 4.04 Cubs Team ERA

Cubs starters climbing out of the basement with the 7th worst ERA in the majors

Brewers starters middle of the road with a 3.90 ERA

Brewers 2.56 Reliever ERA is 3rd best in the majors. Cubs have fallen to 6th with a 2.76

Middle of the road in giving up the long ball. Cubs are the 5th best team at keeping the ball in the park.

Cubs have given up 97 walks, 5th most. Mostly Eddie Butler. Brewers 12th.

Middle of the road in Ks for Brewers. Cubs 9th best.



Brewers lead the league in errors. 22. Cubs have 17. 7th

Catchers Pina and Bandy have been good. 3rd best SBPctgs

Willson and company are 7th. 2 more CS’s

Defensive Efficiency Ration: Cubs have the 7th worst Der. Brewers 7th best. 20 points behind their mark of .704


Of course it won't hurt the Cubs a bit that they just lost slugger Eric Thames to a thumb injury for 6-8 weeks and we all saw Corey Knebel go down hard with a hamstring strain the last time these teams met. Here are the pitching matchups.


Chicago Cubs Gear at


Chase Andersuck 2-1 3.25 Vs. Kyle Hendricks 1-1, 4.09


Might rain late. Game in the 40s


Earlier this month, we got 2 runs off of 4 hits off of Andersuck. Walked 2. Kd 2 and Zobrist homered.

Contreras had a double and a triple and was also HBP

Gave up 3 runs on 5 hits against Miami last time out

Bryant has 3 homers. Rizzo 1-12


Kyle gave up 4 runs on 9 hits in Milwaukee only lasted 5.

Gave up 3 runs on 5 hits last time vs. Colorado. Only lasted 5 but Kd 6.

Thames and Shaw homered off him and pretty much everyone else in the Brewers lineup got a hit.



Lefty Brennnnt Suter 1-2 5.68 Vs Yu Darvish 0-2, 6.86

1:20 Cubs fleece blanket

NBC Sports

Cloudy, high 53. More possible rain.


Cubs got 5 runs on 8 hits. Chased him after 5. He walked 3.

Last time also gave up 5 runs against Miami.

Contreras, Almora and Russell all get hits half the time they face him.

Rizzo 0-11.


Yu gave up 5 runs on 4.2 innings. Walked 4 last time out vs. Colorado.

April 7th vs Brewers, he went 6 and struck out 9. 1 run on 2 hits. Thames homered

Yellich has homered off him too and Sogard is batting 313 and has seen him the most.

Villar and Cain have 1 hit and walk between them in 21 PA’s



Junior Guerra 2-0, 0.56 Vs. Jose Quintana 2-1, 7.78

1:20 Dancing Bullpen Beverage tumbler


Sunny 45


Faced Junior in 5.2 innings last year. Only got a Kyle Schwarber homer off him last september.

Gave up 1 run on 5 hits against Miami last time out

Rizzo, Heyward, Russell, Baez and Almora at 0-23 collectively.


Jose 0 runs on 3 hits vs Milwaukee on 4/8, 2 walks, 6 ks 6 IP

Last time against Colorado. Gave up 4 runs on 8 hits. But 2 runs were the suns fault. Kd 7 through 5.1 IP

No Brewer has homered off of Jose. Cain has seen him the most. Batting .288.

Most Brewers numbers suck against him. Team batting only .207, .243 OBP.

39 Ks to only 7 walks. In 173 PAs



Zachachachacha Davies Vs Tyler Chatwood 0-3, 3.74

1:20 Cubs Slouch “Beamie”...Jim Beam. Gotta be 21

NBC Sports

Sunny 54


Zachachacha1 run on 4 hits, Kd 8 Cubs through 6. Walked 3 earlier this month

Bryant homered off him.

Last time gave up 2 runs on 4 hits against KC and also lasted 6.

Bryant has 2 homers off him. So does Schwarber. Caratini and Contreras each have 1.


Tyler walked 5 and Kd 5. But only gave up 1 run on 4 hits against Cleveland.

Started against Milwaukee last April and gave up homers to Thames and Shaw.

Also gave up a homer to Jesus Eagle (Jesus Aguilar). 1.101 OPS Overall in 34 PAs


The Cubs can sweep their way into 1st place during this series. That'd be nice. Buy your tickets on Stubhub through this link and we get paid!



Back to Cleveland: An Indians Preview

By Danny Rockett

I haven't been to Cleveland since the best thing ever happened in Cleveland. I saw the world's formerly smallest book at the library!

Oh wait...that wasn't the best was The Cubs winning the World Series, but the formerly smallest book was a close second for sure. 

So, how are the Indians looking this year? Well, they are in first place in the AL Central at 12-8 after winning 3 of 4 in Baltimore this last weekend and splitting a series with the Twins down in Puerto Rico.  And they are winning despite not scoring runs and being in the lower rungs of most offensive categories.

(All these stats are from Monday morning 4/23)

Don’t hit for average, 2nd worst in majors. .219. Cubs 40 points higher

Indians OBP is 3rd worst, Cubs are 1st. 60 points higher at .349

9th in homers, hit 4 more than the Cubs who are 20th.

They don’t K much. Cubs and Indians in top 3rd of the league.

They don’t walk much. 3rd fewest walks, Cubs are 12th.

Cubs have outscored Indians 110-70


So how do they win? Pitching Pitching Pitching....


2.65 Indians to 4.14 Cubs overall era. 2nd and 17th

Starters 2.66 to 5.27

Relievers 2.63 Indians to 2.75 Cubs

Both teams middle to best in giving up homers

They wont, they wont walk you! Walk you! 43 BB’s best in majors to 91 for the Cubs, 4rd worst. Tied with Reds

They won’t strike you out either. Both teams in bottom ⅓ of the majors. Cubs 20 more Ks

Indians have not balked this year.


And defense!


Committed 10 Errors to the Cubs 16, Cubs 7th worst

78% chance of stealing on them 61% chance of stealing on us

Indians are #1 in Defensive Efficiency Ratio…..754 …..Cubs are 22nd. .689


The Indians might have only scored only 70 runs, but they've only allowed 55. 


Here are the matchups....(Buy tix through this link and we get paid!)


But first! Danny's Daily Deal....25% off all orders at Fans Edge with code "Sunny25" here!

Game 1

Tyler Chatwood 0-3, 4.60 Vs. Josh Tomlin 0-2, 8.00

5:40PM WGN

Check in at the game and you could get gloves, a car magnet, fidget spinner, Kipnis (worst Cubs fan ever) Bobblehead

80% chance of rain in the 40’s


Last time Chatwood 2 runs on 1 hit, walked 7 and Kd 7. Lasted only 4.2 IP vs. St. Louis

Faced Cleveland for 1 inning last year in relief. Got the save in a game that went 12.

Yonder Alonso 2-3 with a homer and a walk

Michael Brantley 0-5 with a walk


Last time Tomlin pitched in that 16 inning game against minnesota in Puerto Rico. 1 run on 3 hits and lost the game for his team.

Cubs got 6 runs off him in game 6 of the World Series. Also, 1 run at Wrigley in Game 3

Zobrist seen him most. 5-23, 2 walks and a homer. Bryant homered.

No one else seen him much.


Game 2

Jon Lester 2-0. 3.10 vs Trevor Bauer 1-2, 2.67

6:10 NBC Sports

Check In and get a mug, Jose Ramirez Bobble, fidget spinner

Rain all day, then 30% chance of rain. Low of 37.


Last time. Lester, 1 run on 2 hits, Kd 7 through 6 vs Cardinals

In games 1,5,7, Lester pitched 14.2 innings. 7 runs, 16 Ks

Rajai Davis, Edwin Encarnacion (2), Jose Ramirez, Roberto Perez homered

198 PAs, .782 OPS


Last time Bauer gave up 3 on 5 hits over 7 IP to Baltimore

The Indians lost all 3 games he pitched in in the World Series in 2016

Russell is 5-7, only Bryant has homered.

Heyward 0-9


There's a good chance it will rain on Tuesday night and we will be in for a cold rainy double header tomorrow. April sucks. Go Cubs.


Subscribe on Patreon and hear us discuss it all with a real live Indians fan!


And buy your Cubs tickets through this link and we'll get paid!



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